When someone dies,
we often say something like, “We lost Uncle Eddie.” In my quirky
little mind, I always think, Lost? Like our car keys, an umbrella,
or what? If you lose something, you look for it. But we aren't
looking for Uncle Eddie. We know where he is. And we aren’t going
to reach between the couch cushions and recover his soul like last
week’s change. But saying that we lost someone sounds so much
better than saying they died. It’s a euphemism.
What other popular
euphemisms are there? There are plenty when it comes to death:
passed on, kicked the bucket, no longer with us, etc. But other
topics are also too sensitive for us to use frank wording to express
our thoughts. How about the following?
Assisted
living facility – Nursing homes, or old folks’ homes,
had a bad reputation, so these places needed a better moniker for
their business. Assisted living facility at least conveys what
happens there, but the phrase doesn’t roll off one’s tongue.
 |
| Correctional facility? |
Correctional
Facility – If you’ve been saying that your cousin is
in a correctional facility, face it: He’s in jail, prison, the
slammer. We all hope that the experience corrects whatever was askew
to begin with that landed him in jail, but regardless, he’s locked
up like Tweety Bird in a cage.
Electronic
surveillance – It's spying with a camera or bug, plain and
simple.
Esthetician
– Waxing someone's nether regions is a hot job these days (no pun
intended). I suppose calling your personal hair-yanker an esthetician
is preferable to other options, like Follicle Remover, Hair Hijacker,
or whatever. I don't what it should be called, but somehow
“esthetician” makes it sound much nicer.
Exotic
dancer – It's not that
exotic really. You can find strippers just about anywhere. I've never
visited a strip club, but my understanding is that their dancing
ability also varies in its quality, so dancer isn't necessarily an
accurate term either.
Indisposed
– If you call someone and receive the message that he/she is
“indisposed,” you might hear the flush in the background soon
after. But it is a whole lot better than some of the terms I heard
boys call it back in junior high. And we use other euphemisms as well
like “using the bathroom,” “taking care of business,”
“answering nature’s call,” etc.
Laid
off – This euphemism can join “let go” and
“downsized,” along with the ridiculous “right-sized” term, to
express that your company fired you. Getting fired stinks, and
changing its name doesn't help the person without the job. It just
makes the company feel less guilty for kicking an employee out the
door.
Over
the hill – Exactly when this proverbial hill peaks, I’m
not sure. (If you say 40, I’m crawling through the internet,
finding you, and smacking you upside the head.) But at some point,
when you are truly old, you have to call it something. I plan to call
it “chronologically misrepresented” – as in my age won't
indicate how young I really am.
Preowned
– Your car is USED. If you can’t say that aloud, buy a new one.
Sanitary
landfill – Growing up, we called it the dump. I don’t
know what’s so sanitary about it. It's refuse, trash, waste – all
heaped in a pile on some discarded piece of land.
 |
| Genesis: Illegal Alien |
Undocumented
worker – When did this term overtake “illegal alien”?
I don’t think the Genesis
song would sound nearly as good with “It’s no fun being an
undocumented worker.” Fun doesn't even rhyme with that!
Immigration policy aside (and I do not discuss politics here!), the
term isn’t exactly clear who we are talking about.
What other
euphemisms have you noticed? Which ones do you think are appropriate?
Which ones seem completely ridiculous? Do you have any euphemisms to
suggest? Why do you think we use euphemisms, instead of saying what
we really mean?
